In Tenderness

I've been listening to this song for the last month, but Wednesday morning as I rounded the first corner on my morning run the truths it teaches hit me fresh and I almost broke into thankful tears.

Let me share the lyrics first:

In tenderness he sought me
Weary and sick with sin
And on his shoulders brought me
Back to his fold again

While angels in his presence sang
Until the courts of heaven rang

Oh, the love that sought me!
Oh, the blood that bought me!
Oh, the grace that brought me to the fold of God
Grace that brought me to the fold of God

He died for me while I was sinning
Needy and poor and blind
He whispered to assure me,
“I've found thee, thou art mine”

I'd never heard a sweeter voice
It made my aching heart rejoice

Upon his grace I’ll daily ponder
And sing anew his praise
With all adoring wonder
His blessings I retrace

It seems as if eternal days
Are far too short to sing his praise!

credits

from Already / Not Yet, track released May 8, 2012

As I was rounding the corner that morning I was flooded with memories of this summer and the struggle I had internally with God. I struggled to trust Him, to believe that He was good to me, that He had good things for me. I'd never felt like that before and it surprised me and annoyed me. But...

'In tenderness he sought me, weary and sick with sin, and on his shoulders brought me, back to his fold again.' 

It was so sweet to consider that he didn't just seek me out on the day he saved me, but that even in my continuing struggle he'd brought me back. When I was just plain weary and struggling with the sin of doubt, he lifted me back up and brought me home, back to his fold. Back to complete faith and trust in Him. 

In my day of greatest need, when I was destitute in sin, he reached down and found me, claiming me as his own. And now He whispers to me every day, 'I've found you. You are mine.' Have you ever heard more beautiful words? I can't speak for the guys around me, but as a girl it seems that for most of us, this is our greatest longing, to BE somebody's. We try to find it in guys, in friendships, from our parents, etc. etc. And then some of us fight against it, trying so hard to be independent and on our own, completely self sufficient. But God reaches down and claims us. He puts his mark on us through the death defying power of His son and makes us His. No other relationship can ever provide the satisfaction for me that being God's provides. So I no longer have to expect my husband, or my kids, or me parents, or friends to make me feel wanted. I am God's. Nothing else is really all that important. I am His. And my heart rejoices in this over and over again. 

And therein lies my only power for day to day living. It makes me sing with this song: 

Upon his grace I’ll daily ponder , And sing anew his praise , With all adoring wonder , His blessings I retrace 

What a joy to have observed in my own life, not only the power of the gospel for my salvation, but the power of the gospel and the love of God even post salvation to keep me as his own and to restore genuine, full faith in Him. His love will never let me go. I'm His. 

Miley Cyrus, Modesty, and How We Teach our Teenage Girls Wrong

I've been listening to all this chatter over the last couple of days about Miley and there have been some good things said about it all, like Trevin Wax's I Weep for Miley. This development and just the season of the year (Summertime!) has led to a lot of discussion over the last several months about modesty, some of which has been good, but some of which has me weeping.

I've heard LOTS of things about modesty over the years. I grew up in a pretty conservative church culture. The kind where girls only wore skirts or culottes. My sister wouldn't go to youth activities because she always got talked to about her jeans (not that they rode too low or were too tight or anything... just the fact that she was wearing them). I never quite got some of the rules that were put in place for us girls. Because, for instance, the culottes showed more leg than my pants did on the volleyball court (we seemed to play volleyball a lot). But it was what it was, and I know that our church leadership was trying to help us to live out this whole modesty thing, because what we wear is important. It was just done in a way that I didn't understand.

We've moved forward from the whole culotte fiasco I think (although I looked good in a pair of mean teal polk-a-dot culottes with a matching scrunchie), but modesty is still a very hot topic and the sexuality of women is talked about more and more. And here comes Miley, the sweet little Hannah Montana Disney character (which I honestly never saw much of, maybe 2 episodes). I only knew of her from afar. I watched about 10 seconds of her performance Sunday night and was just kind of bewildered. I don't know why anyone would want to move like that in public. And it has erupted all sorts of reactions. One in particular that I watched was especially heartbreaking to me. The conversation in this pastoral response video quickly moved from Miley to just general modesty for women, young women in particular, and while I appreciate the video's desire to teach young women about modesty from a pastor's perspective (a much needed topic of discussion for women), here is my humble opinion of what was lacking within in this video, and often times is lacking in discussions about modesty.


I've heard mentioned over and over again in my life when taught on this subject that how you dress will determine what you attract. And the guys that are attracted to immodesty will eventually throw you to the curb. The guys who are attracted to a modest girl recognize the prize, the princess that they have. The particular conversation within this video that I heard recently compared girls to cars. The immodest girl is like a Ford Ranger, he said. She's normal and common. She has to advertise to attract. Everyone has a truck like that because it's common. Whereas a modest girl is a Rolls Royce. She's valuable and priceless and will withstand the test of time. So if you want to be classy, or one of a kind, a rolls royce if you will, be modest.

This comparison broke my heart for a few reasons:

1. While there is a certain level of truth that the way you present yourself will attract a certain type of guy, there is no absolute to this. Please don't make implied promises to impressionable young girls that tug at their heartstrings. Most girls deeply crave the attention of a man, and most want one who will be faithful to her (despite what many will say). Making the kind of guy you're gonna end up with the motivation of modestly, puts that motivation in the wrong place. I've watched too many girls grow up thinking that if they act a certain way and dress a certain way they're sure to get a certain kind of guy. And some of them end up alone, or some of them end up being cheated on. And they are left with heartbreak, because the driving motivation behind what they had been doing all those years was selfish and their hearts didn't get what they had been (perhaps subtly) promised.

2. Please don't ever compare a girl to a car again. It only adds fuel to the fire of young men viewing women as objects, especially in the case with a car.... something that most guys love, and love to use and abuse! I am not a Ford Ranger (a pickup truck?!). I am not a Rolls Royce either. Neither of these are made in the image of our God, as all women are (and men are for that matter). I realize that this was just an analogy that this pastor used, but it lacked much when it came to viewing God's women as the children of God that they are.

3. Further, and perhaps most important, this comparison and the way it was made (and the way I've heard it made for so much of my life at youth camps and such) doesn't point young women to the gospel, it doesn't point them to Jesus, it simply plays at the idols of their heart, mainly the desire to 'stand out.' As women this desire is played on everywhere and our clothing is one of the main ways in which women attempt to stand out from the crowd. Different methods are used, varying styles of clothing and hair, different personalities, different sins even, but the root issue at stake behind all of it is the desire for glory for self. But God is the one who deserves ALL of the glory. When I get dressed in the morning it should never be to 'stand out.' My clothes shouldn't draw attention to me, they should be a reflection of my walk with my savior. And to encourage women and girls to be modest for the purposes of standing out, is only asking them to dress in more covering clothing for the sin of seeking personal attention.... the very same sin they were committing (more often than not) when they were choosing to dress in less clothing.

It's just exchanging a sin for a sin, not pointing our girls to Jesus.

The answer to the clothing debate isn't exactly simple, and there are not hard and fast rules, but the root of it is simple. Girls, immerse your heart in Jesus and want nothing more than him. If we're dressing to draw attention to ourselves in any way we're dressing selfishly, and sinfully, no matter how modest your outfit might be. But if we're dressing for God's glory, we will be mindful of others and not seek to draw attention to our bodies, but rather our sweet spirits that are a reflection of our Savior will draw attention to God.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4, ESV)

Trials and Tests of Faith... and Our Upcoming Ladies' Conference

And the hits keep coming.... that's what today feels like. Life has been good, just busy as of late, and I've let the blogging thing go a bit, because I just needed to focus on a few other very important things like my family, my work, and our upcoming ladies' conference at Sonrise Baptist Church. The Renew Refresh Ladies' Conference is one of my favorite events every year. I was part of the group of girls that went to our pastors and asked them if we could start it, and I've had the privledge of helping to plan it every year since, and for the last few years being the 'head' person in charge of the planning. I love women. I love the Bible. I love God. I love seeing women love the Bible and God. It just makes sense. This year, our pastors asked me to be the speaker on top of that and I happily agreed for all the reasons listed above. But then God saw fit to have a whole new set of responsibilites thrown on me that occupied much of my time for the last four months. It's really only been in the last two weeks that things have slowed down. Then this week happened.

My foot has been aching for the last few weeks. No big deal. The Tuesday night I got home and it was swollen. Wednesday it hurt a big more. Today it's still slightly swollen and still hurts a bit more. I'm debating on going to the doctor but I really can't forsee a cast or anything resembling a cast being at all convenient for the next few weeks. (We are T-22 days from the confernce.) I might foolishly wait it out and see if it gets worse.

Then last night happened. My computer crashed. With. All. My. Ladies. Conference. Stuff. On. It. Yes, you heard me right... and I didn't have it backed up. Never in a million years did I dream that my less than a year old MacBook would give up the ghost on me. So today, I'm waiting to hear from the computer doctors how my baby is doing and what files I might be able to get off of her. And wondering if I'm gonna have to start from scratch on my lessons. My heart is hurting a bit and I'm wondering what other curve balls God will throw my way over the next few weeks. Please no more :)

But, I'm reminded that my God is faithful. That this is all part of the shaping and molding process. That rain or shine 22 days are gonna go by quickly and I had better get back to work. So...... here I go. Ladies' I hope that if you're in the area that you'll come. It's going to be fun, and I hope encouraging. And apparently I'll have some good stories to tell of the process in getting there!

Hospital Rooms and Such

Today I'm sitting in a hospital room. A small grey and blue and white room with specks all over the walls and floors. We've been sitting in this room for at least 4 hours now waiting. Waiting on the inevitable and the unknown. My husband is having surgery today. Well I say today. It's 5:37 pm as I type this. Hopefully it's still 'today' by the time they take him back. The surgery isn't life threatening. At least it's not supposed to be. But it does have the power to restore his vision in one of his eyes. Sight is something that we can so easily take for granted. I've never worn glasses. My eyes have always just worked. So I think it's something that I very easily overlook. But today, we're not taking anything for granted. Vision, smell, touch, hearing. All of it. We're praying for God's protection over him as they operate. We're praying for wisdom and steady hands for the Doctor. We're praying for a good recovery and that the original problem (pars planitis for those who care to know) doesn't return. Because even if all goes very well in the surgery, there's always the possibility that all of this will happen again. It's kind of scary to think through, my husband losing his vision. It's most certainly not something that I ever expected. And my husband and I have joked... every year we make all these big plans for the year of goals we want to accomplish: physical, spiritual, financial. You know the drill. New Year's Resolutions. And it seems like every year we just get hammered in January and this year it seems to have happened again. If I didn't know that God loved me, I'd think he was laughing at me as he moved the chess pieces of our lives in exactly the opposite direction we'd choose. But I know that's not how my holy, loving God works. No my God works like this:

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
(Ephesians 2:4-10 ESV)

My God is full of love. Love that is rich in mercy and great love that has made me alive with Christ so that we can do the good that God has prepared for us. This is true for me. This is true for my husband. This is true for every person who has been redeemed. Our God is overflowing with love and he lavishes it on us in the person of Jesus Christ. So my husband and I sit in this grey and blue speckled hospital room and we trust that our good, loving God is not slamming us down laughing every January. But that instead in love, he is preparing us for the good works that He has for us whether my husband can see or not.

This Parenting Gig

I've struggled with this whole parenting gig lately. I'm utterly crazy about my kiddos. Seriously, I don't think I had any idea that I had this much love in my heart before having kids. I know it's cliche, but it's true. There is just something so incredible about having little combined versions of yourself and your best friend to take care of. You can look at them and just see pieces of yourself and this man that you're madly in love with. God had a neat plan with people having kids. What's frustrating though is when your kids start sinning. Am I right?

I knew that I'd have sinful children, but really, I don't think I ever imagined that it would look like this, or that it would evoke in me the kind of emotions that I feel about it all! This is rough stuff friends! So I'm working through a few things:

1) I am reminding myself that this little person is a person that God has purposefully placed in our family. He is perfectly suited to us as parents and that even in the times when I feel really incompetent to handle what the little guy (or girl) is throwing at me, I am competent in Christ. He has given him the perfect parents for HIM and he has given us the perfect children for US. He is growing all of us in His perfect way though these relationships and the struggles that come with them. And the end result for all of us who trust in Christ will be looking like Christ. It will be beautiful!





2) I always knew that I was going to have kind of a rough time in these early years. Babies and toddlers are most certainly not my forte! I can't even tell you the feeling of freedom I felt when I stopped working in the nursery a few months ago, or the feelings of fear that grip my heart when I think about helping my husband teach our new 3-5 year old class at church. I told him he's going to have to do a lot of the teaching! But while kids this age range might not be my strength as far as communicating goes, I am still MY kids' mom and I can't skip over these very, very important years. For one, I don't want to miss it! There are so many moments of pure joy watching them grow and learn and say the most adorable things. So even in the ugly times of fits and tears and flat out defiance, I have to consistently discipline them in love, showing them Christ and the gospel.

3) And I pray. Pray, pray, pray. I pray for myself-that I would be wise in my choice of words and actions. That I would not be controlled by my own emotions in times of disobedience. That I would be more concerned about the hearts of my children than the image I'm projecting to those around me of myself. Oh, so many things to pray for. I also pray for my kids' salvation. I have to recognize that they have unregenerate hearts at this point in their life. They are depraved. And they don't have the Holy Spirit to convict their hearts like a believer does. And it's my job to share the gospel with them.

4) So I try to turn times of disobedience into Gospel moments in their lives. It's hard, at some level impossible, for them to fight sin. My children aren't Christians. They don't have the Holy Spirit. Not that they can't choose right. But it is hard. And it's ok to tell them that. The book Give them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick talks about this extensively and gives some great examples of conversations to have with your kids (although some of them are pretty long). Here's what some of mine have sounded like. 'L, I know that it's really hard to do what's right. The incredible thing though, is that Jesus came to die for your sins. He lived a perfect life and then died to become the perfect sacrifice for the sin that you just committed in your heart and in your actions. He died so that you can be forgiven! Isn't that incredible. We have a loving God who wholeheartedly extends grace to us in our darkest moments. He loves us more than we can ever imagine.' It's not perfect, but slowly, I think he's starting to understand. Before I read that book I thought it was going to be about giving your kids a break (like don't hold them to too high of a standard, don't discipline them when they sin.... give them grace.) Thankfully I read the book and got the concept right.... give them grace--give them the gospel of grace. Give them the gospel. It's really the most important thing I can do as a parent. So my husband and I try to turn these moments into moments when we can tell them about Jesus. As my son has gotten older, this has gotten easier and more fun.

So.... while I'm struggling, I'm not despairing. I'm working through this time, knowing that it's a season. Parenting is not easy. No one has ever claimed it to be. And it is lots and lots of fun. But in those rough moments, the ones where I kind of want to hide in my closet, I take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and dive in. Because my kiddos need me to be their mom, to shower them with love, and to teach them the gospel... and I'm happy to do so!

Sermon on the Mount/Respectable Sins

At church this fall we are working through Jerry Bridges' Respectable Sins. Simultaneously I've started a new Bible study working through the Sermon on the Mount by Jen Wilkin. Both have been rather encouraging, or perhaps discouraging, depending on your vantage point.  I'm not really very far into either, chapter 7 in Bridge's work and somewhere in Week 3 in Wilkin's. But I've been very convicted through both of them about my lack of a conscious dependence on the Holy Spirit to work in and through my life. Not so much that I don't think he does, because I know He does. But more, my awareness of it, and my daily dependence on Him for strength and acknowledging that fact.

I'll ask you some questions that I've been asking myself lately.

Are you Poor in Spirit? To be poor in spirit is to recognize that just as a person who lives in poverty does not have sufficient resources to care for themselves, you too, do not have sufficient resources. Only in this case, it's spiritual resources. None of us has the resources to function spiritually, to be fed and nourished, to thrive on our own. But understanding and acknowledging that fact as very important. Because Matthew 5:3 says that 'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs in the kingdom of heaven.' I'll rephrase that for you. Blessed are those who recognize that they aren't enough, that they can't thrive spiritually on their own, for God's resources are at their disposal. As I pray on my way to work every day that thought has been going through my mind and it is SUCH an encouragement. I'm pretty sure that I've been living in my own strength lately. Trying to change on my own at some level. But just admitting that I'm not enough is so freeing, and Jesus himself here makes it very important because the reward for acknowledging my spiritual poverty is God's Kingdom, all of His resources! It frees us because it makes it about Him. Not that we don't have to try, because we do. We have to put forth the effort, working out our salvation. But I know that my God is working at changing you and me, so our effort will reap an eternal reward, because God will continue our work and finish it!

Do you Mourn your sin? I've been thinking this through as I go through Bridge's book, analyzing my life and looking for those respectable sins that I so often overlook. Am I even sorry for them? Or do they just get brushed off as 'common to man.' We should be mourning our sin, because that sorrow leads to the greatest comfort possible.... in the gospel! Matthew 5:4 says 'Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.' This is specifically referring to mourning our sin and there is no greater comfort than the one who redeemed me. His shed blood for our sins can be our comfort. The fact that he crushed sin and death can be our comfort.

Do you hunger and thirst for righteousness, or are you more eager for something else? This for me really relates back to the whole poor in spirit concept of recognizing my need. Because when we realize how poor we are, that we indeed are in spiritual poverty on our own, we will hunger and thirst after Godly, right things. We will crave them. And this can affect so much of our lives, our priority at spending time in the word and in prayer, our entertainment choices, our friendships, the way we communicate with those around us. Wow.

Pray. Rest. Do.

I've been struggling with some anxiety for the last several days that has melted itself into every imaginable area of my life and it's really, really ugly. I tend to get my heart wrapped tightly around things and when they don't go my way.... well, I get really uptight about it, as if God just slapped me across the face and turned His back on me. Obviously this is not the case, but I let myself feel that way sometimes when I don't see the results I was looking for as quickly as I wanted them to happen. I get things turned so backwards sometimes expecting God to work on my time table, according to my plan... instead of me working on His timetable and according to HIS plan.

So today I have been deeply reminded to PRAY. And pray hard. It's ok to want things and to want them badly. But I need to look at what I'm wanting and see if it's for me or for Him. And am I ok with not getting it.... even it if was for His glory? You see He might want something else for me. Something that might bring Him more glory. The thing I want might be just the thing God will use to shape me more into the image of Christ, or it might take something else. I need to be flexible. For now... I will pray, pour out my heart to God and let Him know my desires. Tell him how I think they will bring Him glory. And then let Him decide if they will.

Secondly, I will REST. I tend to take matters into my own hands and make a mess of things. I pray and take action immediately and end up doing all the wrong things. I frustrate my husband. I frustrate my kids. I frustrate my friends. Grrr.... who else can I frustrate today?! (Or am I just being too self focused THINKING that everyone is frustrated with me?!) Instead I need to take a minute to rest. Rest on a sovereign God who has all things in control. Rest that he has the days of my life planned out for me... and they result in a perfect end. Rest, trusting that He will provide for all the needs of my family. Rest in Him.

Thirdly, I will DO. Because action must take place. Praying does change things. And Resting in God's arms is vital so that I don't mess everything up. But Doing so SO vitally important. Because no matter how I feel, I need to continue to walk, to work, to live. No matter how down I am about whatever situation, I still have kids that need to be dressed and fed and who need to play and learn and grow. I have a husband who needs me to be his best friend and greatest cheerleader. We have to provide for our families. All of these things and so much more need to take place. Every. Single. Day.

So today I am Praying to my great God who is my rock, resting in His arms, and taking action to work toward the goals I've been praying so hard about, trusting Him with the results, whatever they may look like.

You are mine

My husband always has the perfect words for me. He's really quite the romantic and has always gotten me to the core of my being with his words. It's part of what made me fall in love with him back in 2003... I had gone on a date with a mutual friend. He was a nice guy, but much better as a friend (he still is a mutual friend!). However, our date had been pleasant and after the fact I was sitting in Cheddar's next to my someday husband and he was asking me about it. He then proceeded to tell me how he had coached our mutual friend. He told him where to take me (a funky downtown restaurant), what to talk about, how to act, how to act after the date, etc. And the thing was.... he was spot on. It was in that instant that I realized that no one ever had, and no one probably ever would, get me quite like Chris Perry does. And I pretty much fell in love on the spot. It was within a few weeks that he realized that I had changed my mind about him and he asked me out and I'll tell the rest of the story another day....

 Fall 2010

Since then, he has written me letters, sweet notes on our mirror, texts, and just used his words to my face. Sometimes I feel silly, because I just can't form such beautiful words back, not without a  lot of thought at least, but his words.... they lift me to the clouds and make me feel... well like a chosen, beautiful princess for lack of a better term. Last night was one of those nights. We've had a mutual struggle lately that has been very frustrating for both of us. And as kind as he is in trying to share the responsibility for the mess, in reality we both know that it's mostly my fault. A few nights ago we watched I Bought a Zoo. What a lovely, sad story.... Afterwards we were lying in bed and started talking about when we fell in love with each other and how in love with each other we still are, but honestly the thought that kept running through my mind was 'how could he still love me when I've created this mess?' I think I cried myself to sleep on that thought, while he had no idea. I didn't want to ruin his beautiful moment. Horrible, I know. It's not all as bad as I make it seem, but sometimes it really feels that way. I can't wait to be on the other side of this.



Then last night we got started talking about this situation and I was languishing in my guilt for it when all of a sudden he grabbed my face and said 'You are mine.' We joke sometimes about how he fell in love with me first and it took me awhile, but I finally came around. The truth is he picked me and pursued me. I think that's the way it should work. He was persistent over the course of a few years and finally... I saw it. He loved me so deeply long before we were ever sitting there at Cheddar's. It took me awhile to realize how deep his love was, but I saw a glimpse of it at Cheddar's and I saw a much clearer picture of it last night, 9 years later. Even with our current situation he wanted me to know that he picked me, that I'm his girl, and he's not ever regretted it. True love.



It's often reminded me of the gospel. I've never done anything to deserve Christ's love, yet he has chosen me to be his bride. Marred as I am by sin, he will make me more and more beautiful, more and more like himself, so that someday He can completely glorify me in his presence. Now my DH isn't perfect... but in our marriage he represents Christ (Ephesians 5) and just as Christ chose me, Chris chose me as well and has pursued me with his love. It's a wonderful love story that I get to live out, both with my husband and ultimately with my savior Jesus Christ. Because they both say 'You are Mine' and nothing thrills my heart more.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

(Ephesians 1:3-14 ESV)

Acceptable Speech

I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about my speech and communication with others. It started with a book our church family has been reading in small groups. Truth be told, I dreaded reading this book. I was bored by the last book we read by this author. But even more so, I dreaded the topic. Love. 1 Corinthians 13 love at that! I dreaded it, not because I think I know all about it, but because I know that this is an area of weakness for me and I just didn't want to work on it right now! Not that I don't want to be loving, please don't misunderstand me. But because I didn't necessarily want to feel guilty for not becoming any more loving than I already am.  This is an area that I often feel so deficient. 'Creative' loving is something that is emphasized heavily at our church, and for good Biblical reason. But I am just not a 'creative' person. 'Crafts' have never been my thing. I am capable of making pretty things, but I don't come up with the ideas for them myself. I can follow a tutorial (of which I have found SO many on Pinterst lately! It's fantastic!!) But the creativity, the going out of my way... I just didn't want to have to grow in this area. Wow... honesty at it's best, right?!

This book (have I mentioned it's name? Maximum Impact by Wayne Mack) has not challenged me to make more crafts for others (refreshingly so!). It has, however, helped me get a better picture in my brain of what true love looks like, and what it does not look like. And perhaps it didn't quite look like the picture in my head I've been beating myself up over for the last 4 years (sign of relief!). It does however require change on my part, and my speech is one area that I've been really challenged to consider. I believe it was in the chapter discussing 'Love is not rude' where he talks so much about our speech and how we talk to others. The Holy Spirit convicted me of three areas of my life in which I struggle... on the phone (I'm just an akward phone talker!), when I'm giving instructions to my kids, and when I'm communicating with someone of a differing viewpoint (perhaps an unbeliever, or someone who takes a largely different stance on an important issue). I want to be a good communicator and to communicate truth in loving ways so that my words are easy to hear and hopefully to take to heart. So here are some ways I want to make some changes. Perhaps these are areas others struggle in as well and my application can help you out too.

On the phone: I often cut people off and speak in short sentences.  I don't mean to. I think I'm just too busy trying to get my own words out. I also have a short tone of voice on the phone. I need to converse as I would in person and let others finish their thoughts before I start speaking. Perhaps even wait for a long enough pause so that I am sure they have completed their thought. Often I get off the phone just feeling akward. I need to be patient and listen to others better before I speak.

With my kids: This is a big one. I was reminded of two scriptures from Proverbs as I thought about this. My son is 2 1/2 and really struggles to hear instruction from mom and dad lately. I want to help him in this by putting these two verses into practice. 15:2 says 'The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable' and 16:21 says 'Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness'. My temptation with the kids is to grow firm instead of sweet. But how much better do they listen to my sweet voice? Sweetness can help make knowledge acceptable for them. Speak kindly, Abbie! Make learning fun!

With those who oppose me: I get easily frustrated with those who think differently than me and can tend to avoid conversations that go in those directions. Of course that depends a lot on that other person, how defensive they are, etc. But I want to be good, particularly at sharing the gospel with those who don't believe it. It's the power of the gospel that saves! I need to be patient and calm and pay attention to those who are good at sharing it to pick up things that I can incorporate. Something else that Mack mentioned was speaking with humility, as a learner. This seems to be important particularly in this context. I want to speak sweetly, kindly, confident in the gospel, but with humility as a learner.

I want to have acceptable speech that is full of love, is not rude, and is easy for others to hear. Then perhaps God can use me to teach others His word.

Sit here, and spend some time.

A blog post I read last week has gotten me to thinking lately a lot about the structure of my life. I started this blog in hopes of it holding me accountable in my study of God's Word. That has not happened well. I used to be a very structured, organized person. But I am also somewhat a person of extremes and if I can't do something well, I tend to not do it. After getting married my life no longer was entirely my own to structure, and I started to struggle with disciplines that used to never be an issue for me... being in the Word being one of them. Then I got pregnant, then had my first child, then got pregnant again, and then had our second child. Now my life is rarely my own, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's the place and role to which God has called me in this season of my life, that of wife and mother. However in my search to allow my husband to lead, and to serve him day in and day out, to care for my kids, etc. I very easily neglect disciplining myself. Two of the key areas that have gone by the wayside are my time in the Word and in prayer, and time for exercise.

Also during this time my understanding of Scripture has changed. I trust in and rely on God more than ever. I really trust his sovereignty. Granted, I don't know that I've been tested very deeply yet, but overall, I really trust Him to provide and it takes a lot to get me to worrying. I praise God for His work in my life in this area as it has not always been the case and it's all of Him that I've grown in this way.

By no means have I 'arrived' in my faith, but some basic concepts have become habit for me, such that I don't always feel the pressing need that I used to to build my faith. This is all probably sounding very proud, but I think I found in my understanding less of a dependence on pouring out my heart to God the way that I used to when every little trial seemed so huge. I just trust Him now and tell Him so. (Certainly not all the time! I still sin in my lack of faith!) But I still felt like that I should be 'learning' something every day in my 'devotions.' And I wasn't..... not in the basic reading that I had time for in this season of my life.

Then I read this blog post by Tim Challies and understood something that I hadn't in a long time. My time in the Word every day isn't to learn something new. Granted I might and those times will be fun and exciting as I understand a piece of my savior that I hadn't before. But more than anything, it's just to spend some time. The way that I love to spend time with my husband. Even if we're doing nothing. Just to sit on the couch with his arm around me while we both read a book is time well spent and meaningful in our relationship. In the same way I want to curl up with my savior each day and just sit and be.

Now that I've established that I've been working on a good time. At work has been working for me lately. But I do want to rebuild my early morning habit. I want my kids to someday wake up early and just find me 'being' with God in His Word and praying for them and others. For now though, this routine is working well and I'm thankful for this new understanding. Thanks Challies for sharing this very important insight with me. It has changed my relationship with my Savior.

The Ultimate Prize

This summer our church is going through A Gospel Primer for Christians by Milton Vincent. Chris picked up this book a few years ago at a NANC (National Association of Nouthetic Counselors) Conference in St. Louis that we attended. I had ignored the book all week. There was a nice lady in the hallway handing them out for FREE. But being the superficial girl that I am I thought the cover was pretty ugly, so I didn't take one. Chris on the other hand will take anything that is free and took the book and preceded to read it cover to cover, many times over. It greatly influenced his gospel focus and thinking and often times he would read me a section before bed at night. Well, I have had the privilege of reading it for myself this summer and there really is some great stuff in it. There are short little sections and we are to read one each day to help us focus on the gospel on a daily basis. Today I read this section that I'm going to quote and it really impacted me and the way we're so often taught about heaven. I've heard about the streets of gold and the pearly gates for most of my life, but never (in my memory) did someone remind me that those streets of gold are there to lead us to God himself, not just for our pleasure. Let me share this quote and you'll see what I mean....

"The essence of eternal life is not found in having my sins forgiven, in possessing a mansion in heaven, or in having the streets of gold on which to walk forever. Rather, the essence of eternal life is intimately knowing God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. Everything else that God gives to me in the gospel serves merely to bring me to Himself so that this great end might be achieved. Christ died for the forgiveness of my sins so that I might be brought 'to God.' Christ is preparing a place for me in heaven so that He might receive me "to Himself" and have me forever with Him where He is. And yes, there is a great street of gold in heaven, but is there any doubt where the street leads? Unquestionable, it leads straight to the throne of God Himself, as do all of God's gifts to me in the gospel. As I meditate on the gospel each day, I find my thoughts inevitabley traveling from the gifts I've received to the Giver of those gifts; and the more my thoughts are directed to Him, the more I experience the essence of eternal life. The "gospel of God" is from God, comes through God, and leads me to God; and it is in Him that my soul finds its truest joy and rest."

It seems that at times in general teaching the focus just ends up in the wrong place... on me and what might benefit me, and the same is true of teaching on heaven. True heaven is much better than hell and I certainly desire to go to heaven over hell. But heaven and all the benefits of it are not for me, they are to bring glory to the one who created and sustains it all. Heaven is all about God and just as Mr. Vincent says "The 'gospel of God' is from God, comes through God, and leads me to God; and it is in Him that my soul finds its truest joy and rest." Truly heaven would be nothing without our God and it is only in him that I will ever find any satisfaction. The streets of gold or the 'big' mansion I will someday reside in are not the ultimate goal. He is the Ultimate Prize.

New Study Adventure Coming Soon

I'm really excited about my next 'study.' For some time now I've wanted to read through the Bible along with Mark Dever's The Message of the New Testament and The Message of the Old Testament. A few years back Chris and I visited Capitol Hill Baptist Church where Mark Dever pastors and heads up the 9 Marks Ministries. We had the opportunity after that Sunday evening service to visit with him for several minutes and he was kind enough to give us copies of several of the 9 Marks books, The Message of the New Testament being one of them. Ever since I've wanted to read it while reading through the corresponding sections of Scripture and I'm excited to finally get to do so! Mark Dever does an excellent job expositing the Word and has had a a big impact on Chris and I as we considered church life in a more Biblical light over the last several years. In this particular book he gives an overview, kind of a bird's eye view of each book of the New Testament. Instead of breaking it down verse by verse, he strives to capture the message of the book in its entirety. I think it will be a fun way to move a little more quickly through the New Testament, while keeping my eyes fixed on the theme and message of each book. A friend of mine, Susan Heck, challenged me a few years back to take some time to sit down and read through whole books of the Bible at a time in one sitting. She said that she picked up new themes in Scripture when doing so. I'm hoping to make the time to do some of that during this study. That won't be an easy feat with a 15 month old son and another on the way! Fortunately there are several shorter books in the New Testament that I can choose from. Join me as I work through the New Testament (with Mark Dever's help!). I'd love to share with you what I'm learning!

Purity

Ok... I'm still SOOO way behind on blogging about everything... I believe I'm a whole chapter behind. But I don't want to lose this one in the shuffle. I don't know that I'll go back to all the others.... So here we land. Ephesians 5:3--But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints.

Purity has been a big deal to me for a long time. Not that I'm perfect at it... far from it. I've struggled in multiple ways too. Just to briefly share my 'story' concerning purity I'll start in my teen years. I went to a pretty conservative, cuollot (how do you even spell that?!) wearing, non 'rock' music listening, KJV only type of church growing up. Despite those things, it really was a good church that loved the Lord, it was just a bit hung up on a few of those things. We went to a camp that also taught the same way and I remember one speaker sharing several times how that he and his wife didn't kiss until their wedding. Now coming from the source it came from, I thought the guy was nuts! At this point I think I was probably in Jr. High. I had had one 'boyfriend' in elementary school and hadn't dated since.... so I was kissless.

In early high school I got hooked on a book series called the "Christy Miller Series" by Robin Jones Gunn. In it there is a Christian couple that had chosen not to kiss until their wedding day. Same information, new source. I made the same commitment. I was a little older and wiser... probably 9th grade and still kissless. I knew that I desired to honor God and stay pure and I saw that as the ultimate act of purity. I wouldn't even venture into the arena of sex. Looking back, that was the best decision of my life! Not that it kept me from every bit of sin, but wow, did it protect me from a lot.

Over the years I watched my Christian friends date, and I knew that many if not all of them were 'making out.' I really didn't think a whole lot about it being sinful, but I was glad that I wasn't doing it. I knew my heart and I knew that I'd desire more than just a kiss or even kissing if I went there, so I was glad to stay away. It was protection from at least the physical sin. It was kind of a big deal at my high school too. I was the girl that wouldn't kiss. Then I went to Bible College and it was just as much of a novelty, which looking back breaks my heart. Purity at a Bible college should be the norm, not the exception. Sadly, I fear that it was very much an exception, at least among my peer group. I was still labeled the girl that didn't kiss and even had one guy date me with bets as to how long it would take him to get me to kiss him! Praise the Lord that I never did and he eventually moved on to someone that would.

Then, after 6 years of college and grad school at the ripe old age of 23, I got married and got my first kiss (with many to follow!!). I've NEVER regretted that decision. More than anything else I chose to do in my life, I'm so thankful for that one. After I got married I started reading more about purity and studying it from a Biblical perspective and realized that while I didn't understand the heart motives behind my decision at the time, it protected me so much from sin. And don't get me wrong I struggled. I wanted to be kissed. I craved attention from guys, among other sinful desires of my heart, but I'm quite sure that it would have been much worse had I been making out with a guy through all of that.

Why I'm sharing all of this I don't know except that this passage calls believers to another standard. Sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness should not be a part of our lives. When I teach unmarried girls about purity I ask them to think through kissing and making out with a guy that's not their husband... are we being 'holy' at that time as 1 Thess calls us to be? I can't fathom it! So why do we think it's ok as long as we're not having 'sex'? Would you want your married husband kissing another girl? No! So why do we do it before we're married? I don't get it. Where did we get that idea? I'm not going into much detail here and I hope I'm not sounding harsh, but somewhere along the line we aren't getting taught well in this area and it's causing so many brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble before marriage leading them to more struggles after marriage when God calls us to purity.

A little catch up....

Wow... I have a lot of blogging to catch up my Bible Study from where I left off to where I am now. Fortunately, I seem to have a little time this morning so I'll try to plow through it. It will be good review for me!

Ephesians 2:1-10 is the end of the first section of Ephesians and it takes us through a wonderful progression of thought that should at least cross my mind every day. It says that before salvation I was dead. I was a dead girl trying to find satisfaction in the passions of my flesh. (It kind of reminds me of all the dead pirates in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies that would eat an apple and never be satisfied with its sweetness. They searched and searched to fulfill their passions). I was in my very nature a child of wrath, deserving of all of God's punishment toward evil. BUT GOD stepped in with his rich mercy and in spite of the evil running through my body saved me, and raised me up to sit with him in heavenly places. He did this for his own glory, to show his kindness toward me in Christ. You see I am His workmanship, and long before I even knew I existed God created me in Christ to do His good works. I think I'm going to post that on my bathroom mirror as a reminder to myself every morning.

Wendy gives us a great reminder after thinking all of this through. "Paul goes on to point out that it is not only our salvation that is all of God and none of us, but that the subsequent good works that follow coming to faith in Christ area also the result of God's work within us. The implication is that our attempts to boast in any good work after our salvation are as naive as our attempts to boast in the act that brought us to salvation." H.U.M.I.L.I.T.Y. I do nothing. God does it all. Sure I 'work out my salvation.' I do make efforts toward change and sanctification, but when I really get down to it, I do nothing on my own. Even my own efforts are vain and futile without God's hand guiding me toward change. He does it all. I have to remember that.... constantly. I am nothing without him.

Section 2--Ephesians 2:11-3:21

The end of Ephesians 2 is full of some deep stuff, deeper than Wendy goes, and deeper than my cursory reading and study goes, but the main gist is this. There are Israelites and the rest of the world is Gentiles. I am a Gentile. At one time I was separated from Christ, alienated from the benefits Israel had and the promises made to them. But now, in Christ, I have been brought near to God. Christ is now my peace. Israelites come to God the same way now that Gentiles do. "And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to show who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father."

Moving into Chapter 3 Paul addresses the 'mystery' that he has referred to a few times. Building on what he said previously, 'we are reminded that.... the reason Paul is a prisoner for Christ on behalf of the Gentile believers at Ephesus is found in the closing of Ephesians 2--namely that the Gentiles are no longer strangers to God's promises, but are now being built together with Jewish believers into a temple or dwelling place for God the Spirit.' Paul goes on to explain that he has been made a minister of that truth. Basically it's his job to share it with the world. I would be saying 'seriously?!!' Not a job that i would want, but Paul took it and ran with it and we can see two character qualities in him that we should emulate: humility and confidence.

Paul knows himself. He says that he is the 'very least among the saints.' This job has nothing to do with his qualifications. Although let's face it he had a few--but he wasn't proud of them. He didn't revel in his own glory. He saw himself for what he truly was spiritually... nothing. I love how Wendy says this, "In reality, Paul has been entrusted with possibly the greatest message ever communicated. But instead of becoming puffed up with self-importance as so many of us do when entrusted with a great stewardship, he keeps an accurate assessment of himself. He is a good model for us here. He is not dwelling in self-condemnation. He is not insecure, searching for compliments to make him feel better about himself. Instead, he gets both the depth of his sin and the great grace that God has poured out on him." Paul was right on in his assessment. But instead of wallowing in self-pity over his true spiritual state, he trusted the riches of Christ and the grace that God had given him, which in turn produced confidence. Not in himself whatsoever, but in Christ. He is preaching the unsearchable riches of Christ! We should have the same confidence!

I also cannot move on without sharing the Tim Keller quote she uses. I've read it before, but it never gets old: "The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less." Enough said.

In closing out chapter 3 Paul wanted the Ephesians to be profoundly moved by the immeasurable riches of the grace of God through Christ Jesus. He wanted them to comprehend the breadth, length, height and depth of God's love--a love that surpassed their (and our) ability to grasp. But oh how we should try! Wendy explains that the last two verses in Ephesians 3 are verses often used to closes services in the history of the church, often called the benediction--Latin for a good saying. Paul is closing his thoughts on the mystery revealed of God's double reconciliation of Gentile believers to both himself and Jewish believers, focusing on the glory of God that is continuing to reveal through all generations, for all time. We are a part of that! And the same power that is accomplishing this is at work within each believer, day in and day out. Praise the Lord that he has revealed this part of his plan to us!

In God's Grace....

We talked a few posts back about grace, particularly God's grace. Grace is getting something that I totally don't deserve. I don't deserve forgiveness for the multiple ways I sin against my savior. I don't deserve the spiritual blessings that are mine in Christ! I don't deserve any semblance of joy in my life. I don't deserve such a great, faithful husband. I don't deserve my amazing little boy. Yet, I have a gracious God who has given me all of these things. Well, in God's grace he has given us more blessings. Not only has the Lord provided a new job for Chris (one that looks like it will be a good job), but he has also provided a great blessing in the area of Chris going back to graduate school. He has this week been selected as one of the graduate assistants at Baptist Bible College and the payment for those services come in the form of tuition at the graduate school. We are thrilled with this opportunity, as Chris finishing his Master's Degree was one of the main reasons we moved back to the Springfield area. For a variety of reasons going back to school has not been possible yet, but now, in God's mercy


it most certainly is and we are so thankful for the opportunity! I've included a picture of Landon swinging as well just for fun. He loves to play outside!

Prayer of Thanksgiving

Ephesians 1:15-23 is such a powerful prayer. Paul prays some really big things for the believers in Ephesus, all of it based on what he had just told them in verses 3-14. "For this reason"... I pray all of these things. I really liked how Wendy summarized it, "Because God determined before time began to adopt us into his family, to redeem us from our sins, to lavish his grace on us, to reveal his plans to us, and to give us his Spirit as a seal to us to guarantee our inheritance as his children, we enter this prayer of thanksgiving." There is so much to unpackage here and I won't pretend to hit on it all, but a couple of things stood out.

Paul prays that the believers in Ephesus would have a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of their hearts enlightened. I think I forget at times how much I need the Holy Spirit to open my eyes as I dig into the Word. I can study and study and study, but unless God opens the eyes of my heart to understand the depths of the truths I'm reading and studying about, I'll never get it! I need the Spirit to work in me through the Word. I can do nothing on my own.

But there is a reason he asks for that for these people. There is a nice little word in there, 'that.' 'That you may know...' Oh there is so much to know about God!! And Paul gives us quite the list here. "That you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe." Three things: our hope, our inheritance, and His power.

Wendy started off talking about our hope in a neat way. "In verses 3-14, Paul dealt with the facts of our calling. Now he calls on us to attach to it an emotion--hope." This hope has a foundation. We can have hope because of all that we learned in verses 3-14. We have hope because of the grace that God lavishes on us, because of the inheritance we have, because the Holy Spirit is the guarantee of our inheritance, because of the spiritual blessings he pours down on us. These and more are the reasons for our hope! The emotion of hope emerges as the substance as these facts get driven deep into our hearts and minds. I must continually bring to mind these truths to have the hope that emerges from my calling in Christ.

We also have an inheritance. A rich inheritance at that! Sometimes I am the spiritual miser that Wendy described with so much spiritual wealth at my fingertips but so wretched and unhappy. Why or why do I get that way? Duh, Abbie! I let myself forget about my inheritance! I am wealthy beyond imagination because I have been left a huge spiritual inheritance. Forget about inheriting money. As nice as that might sound, how much better to inherit the rich, eternal, spiritual inheritance that God has left for us!

And lastly, power. God doesn't leave us wondering what power he's referring to either. He reminds us that the power we have access to is the same power that raised Christ from the dead, seated him at the right hand of the Father, above every name that is named at any point in human history or the future. All things are under his feet! This is THE GOD. The one and only most powerful God and His power is directed in our favor!

This is kind of a lot for one day. There is so much here! But as I meditate on these things, even in their limited scope that I understand them and describe them here, hope truly is the result. I have SO much in Christ!

Adoption... to the praise of HIS glorious grace!

I'm going to make some more comments about Ephesians study I'm going through. Nothing huge stuck out to me last Friday in my reading and study in Wendy's commentary... that is until I went back to look for something to write about. And she didn't even talk specifically about it in this way, but as I read through the passage and put together some of what she had talked about, verses 5-6 really impacted me.

5 In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

Wendy says, "God has not rationed out his grace on us. Unlike me he does not calculate exactly and round to the nearest cent. He abundantly exceeds our needs. He pours his grace out on us so that it overflows. He furnishes us in rich measure." Remember what we talked a few days as far as grace goes... It is something that we absolutely, completely do NOT deserve! We have done nothing to deserve what God gives us in his glorious, magnificent, splendorous grace... But what sparkled to me so much in this passage is what was given in grace: 'In love he predestined us for adoption as sons'!!!! Not only are we adopted, but we are not destined to live in the attic like little Sarah Crew in A Little Princess (Sorry, too much Shirley Temple for me when I was a kid). No... we are adopted as sons and daughters of God to reign with Him! All this is part of HIS will and it for the praise of HIM and HIS incomparable grace that HE continually blesses us with (notice how it's all about him... not about me)!

Wow, what a God we have to choose us to be his children. We are hand picked to receive redemption through Christ's blood, have our innumberable sins forgiven, and it's all because his grace is so rich and deep. He lavishes that grace on us. Note that he doesn't just sprinkle a bit here and there. No, he spreads it all over us (maybe like I do cream cheese on a bagel? Ha! There is no comparison!) He pours His grace out so that it overflows in the rich blessings of a loving Father. I just want to revel in that truth!

Spiritual Blessings

I continued in my study through Wendy's commentary on Ephesians this morning and am really enjoying some of the details she draws out. I don't have the book in front of me to give any direct quotes, but particualry the Lord convicted my heart this morning of the way I've been looking for his blessings. Ephesians 1:3 says 'Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places' (ESV).

God continually blesses me beyond my comprehension, but so often I'm looking in the wrong places for it. Paul says that he blesses us with spiritual blessings. I realized this morning, just how much of that I've overlooked over the last year and half. Chris had been in a job with little income coming in and we purposefully chose for him to tough it out, looking forward to that income growing. And while it did, that growth was slower than expected and put us in some pretty precarious financial situations. I did not see God's blessings very easily during this time. Now, God provided.... we never went hungry, always made it to work on what gas we had, and really never suffered. God was good to us. But it was often difficult for me to feel 'blessed'. Mostly I think I was just frustrated wondering why on earth a good God was letting us go through this time of struggle. I knew that God was good and that this situation would be to our benefit, but I think I was looking for the material blessings, and even though I was trying to look for them, totally missing the spiritual ones! Having experienced this season of little, I know I will have more empathy with others who struggle financially in the future where in the past I might have been more unkind (at least in my heart). I know that God has shown me He IS good, even in the hard times. I don't have to wonder if He is pouring out his wrath against me. He has already poured it out on His Son! (Thank you Elyze Fitzpatrick for helping me to understand that in Because He Loves Me!). I have never been good with managing my or our family's finances, but after this difficult season, I'm ready to live within the means God has has given me and be thankful for that means, however big or small it may be.

There are so many other lessons learned and things I will carry on with me and maybe, just maybe these are the spiritual blessings that God has been granting me through what was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. When I see in Scripture that God blesses us, I need to look for the spiritual blessings. They are so much greater than anything material He could give me!

Grace

I started a new study last night through Ephesians using a study guide by Wendy Horger Alsup called By His Wounds You Are Healed: how the message of Ephesians transforms a woman's identity. I've been really excited to read through her commentary on the book of Ephesians as I really enjoyed her other published book Practical Theology for Women. She seems to have a genuine desire to understand the text of God's Word in it's literal translation, not adding to it, nor taking away from it, and not bringing any preconceived notions with her. And I appreciate her desire for strong, deep theologically rooted writing for women that is true to the text, as that can be hard to find.

As I read through her notes in the first chapter of the book she presented grace in a way that I'd never thought of it before and I found it refreshing as well as convicting and I wanted to share what I've learned. In the second verse of Ephesians Paul is greeting the saints in Ephesus and says to them 'Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. ' (I want to study out the greek for myself, and haven't done so yet, but at this point I'm trusting Wendy's research.) She says that the Greek word translated grace in this verse is charis and is used throughout the New Testament in Ephesians as well as other books. Many of us know the basic definition of grace. It's a very important term for believers! Basically grace is loving kindness, favor, or a gift. Many of us grew up learning grace as God's Riches At Christ's Expense. But what struck Wendy the most (and me!) is the way charis is not used. Grace or charis is NOT about giving what is due. And it really hit me when she showed the use of the greek word charis in Luke 6. I'll quote it here with what the words charis is translated into in italics.

Luke 6: 32 If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

This passage really drew out for me what grace is NOT! I'll quote Wendy's response. "When you give back what is earned or deserved, it is not charis--it is not grace. It is not favor or benefit, and it is not credited toward you as anything other than exactly what you are expected to do. Instead, grace does what is unexpected, undeserved, and out of line with reasonable responses."

All this really made me think... do I show others grace or do I simply show them what I am expected to? "Jesus says the evidence of our understanding of His grace is the way we show grace to others."  I have shown grace. Forgiven when I didn't have to. Loved when I was not. Given without expecting anything in return. But how often do I only do those things when I expect to get it back, or when it's already been shown to me? Ouch. This convicts me and I hope makes me continue to question the way I am treating others. God has shown me much grace and I need to share it with others.

False Expectations

Through a series of events, things I've read, and been taught recently I've come to a realization. Somewhere deep inside myself, at a level I don't think I've ever noticed, I've had a very distorted view of God and the way He works. My thoughts started with a blog post I read a few weeks ago here. In this blog post she makes the point that many young girls (and I'll insert guys too!) grow up in church doing all the right things and through what they've been taught form certain expectations of the way that life is supposed to go as a result of their good choices. However, many of them end up grown up and dreadfully disappointed. They did everything they were told to do, but life didn't turn into the fairy tale they expected. Insert me. I'm pretty sure that I was one of those girls. I don't know that these things were ever verbalized to me by anyone. I think I was taught it more by innuendo of some kind. In fact I don't know that I've ever even let these thoughts turn into actual words in my mind! But none the less I really think they were there.

I am thankful for a good church and a great group of pastors that watch over our souls and teach us the truths of God's Word even when it's not what I want to hear. Sunday two weeks ago was kind of one of those days. I didn't walk away from the service particularly happy, or filled with pleasant emotions. In fact I was even more frustrated on some level, but also full of faith and trust. You see my eyes were opened to a piece of myself I've never known before, a piece of me I didn't really like. However it's a piece of me that makes me all the more thankful for the blood of Christ and how it covers my sin. We covered Ecclesiastics 7 and talked through this very obstacle. For some reason many of us think that if we do life a certain way (the way that Scripture teaches) that X, or Y, or Z will result. But then D happens and we're left wondering what the point of following God even is. Only Scripture doesn't promise X, Y, and Z. In fact, Ecclesiastes 7 makes that pretty clear. Good things happen to evil people and the righteous sometimes end up suffering, but that doesn't change who God is. He is still righteous, He is still just, He is still kind, He is still full of grace. And the D situation that really makes life seem unbearable right now is all a part of God's plan to make me more like him. He is sanctifying me day by day through the circumstances that I never thought I'd be in because I did it 'His' way. Maybe in the beginning I wanted X, Y, and Z more than I actually wanted Him? I don't know. I don't remember those days well enough, but right now, today, I want Him in the midst of these circumstances and I'm trusting Him to do His work in me.