Waiting and Praying

God seems to often make life uncertain. I feel like much of my life has been that way and I don't think I'm alone in that camp. Perhaps it's what so many of us need to trust Him more. As I mentioned in my last post, my husband is making a career change... to what we don't yet know, but he has left his last position as a Benefits Consultant selling Health and Life Insurance. I am happy about this change for reasons that I don't need to elaborate on here. We had hoped that it would be a career move that would allow us to achieve some goals, some financial, some educational, some just pertaining to the freedom with your time in that kind of work. Unfortunately, none of that panned out and it had become apparent that for those reasons among others, it was time to move on and move forward with our goals. So the job hunt is on and when your degree is in something that you're not looking for a job in, finding a good job can be challenging. Today Chris had a good interview. I'm hoping he gets called back for a second. Either way though we're trusting the Lord to provide in such a way that we can move forward. I feel like we've been standing still for the last three years, not doing what we should have been doing somehow. Not that we were 'out of God's will.' I don't see in Scripture where that can happen. He is sovereign. Totally in control. And he has His perfect reasons for the last 3 years. I've learned things that I never would have, felt things I never would have. And I know that I'll be a better tool for him because of these experiences. But I think we're ready to continue moving now... at least I hope we are! Lord, please let this be the time! So we're waiting and praying and fervently filling out job applications and hoping for phone calls for interviews. Pray with us if you will.

Perry Baby #2

So I have been VERY absent from my blog as of late simply due to the fact that I'm spending most of the 24 hours of a day feeling like I'm going to puke. After just over 2 months of this nonsense I'm finally starting to feel better and can actually THINK again! It's amazing how sickness just wipes everything from you. I couldn't read, I couldn't think, all I could do was come home each day after work and lay on the couch while my husband cared for our one year old son, made dinner, did the laundry, the dishes, and everything else that I usually do in my attempt to be a housewife, at least in the evenings. With that said, the sickness is due to a good thing, I'm pregnant with Perry Baby #2!! As much as I dislike being pregnant, I'm really excited for our second child to come on the scene. We wanted to have our children close in age as Chris and I both are 4 years older than our next sibling, with me being 15 years older than my youngest sibling. Growing up I greatly disliked my sister next in line because she was just annoying. I mean as I was entering high school she was starting 5th grade. It wasn't until I went off to college and she entered high school that we really became anything resembling friends. Now we're the best of friends, but it was a long time coming! My youngest sibling of my mom and step-dad doesn't even remember me living at home with her because she was barely 3 when I moved away to college. And of course I never got the chance to live with my dad's three kids who are my half siblings. I hate these facts because I'd love to have a closer relationship with all 7 of them! So.... with that said I'm really excited that our first two kids will be only 18 months apart! Not that siblings being further apart in age is bad because we both love our siblings very much, but we're excited to have ours closer. Admittedly I'm hoping for a girl... all the bows and ruffles, ballet shoes and tulle skirts make my heart skip a beat, but brothers that close in age would be great fun too. We'll find out on June 3rd which it will be.

We're going through a lot of transition in our family right now. Chris is making a career change and there is so much on my mind but I'm just starting to process it and dig into God's Word to find the strength needed to walk through it all. I've put it all on hold in my head, but I'm ready to start digging in! Hopefully you'll walk through it with me. Talk to ya soon!

Much to share....

I've been missing for some time now. I do have an excuse, but it'll have to wait till next week. Until then.... keep growing! This weekend we are celebrating Landon's 1st Birthday! I can't believe our little man has been around for a year now. It just seems crazy that that amount of time has flown by so quickly, but alas it has and here we are with a one year old little boy. I'm excited to celebrate with family and friends in just a few days. I hope he enjoys it as much as I plan to!

False Expectations

Through a series of events, things I've read, and been taught recently I've come to a realization. Somewhere deep inside myself, at a level I don't think I've ever noticed, I've had a very distorted view of God and the way He works. My thoughts started with a blog post I read a few weeks ago here. In this blog post she makes the point that many young girls (and I'll insert guys too!) grow up in church doing all the right things and through what they've been taught form certain expectations of the way that life is supposed to go as a result of their good choices. However, many of them end up grown up and dreadfully disappointed. They did everything they were told to do, but life didn't turn into the fairy tale they expected. Insert me. I'm pretty sure that I was one of those girls. I don't know that these things were ever verbalized to me by anyone. I think I was taught it more by innuendo of some kind. In fact I don't know that I've ever even let these thoughts turn into actual words in my mind! But none the less I really think they were there.

I am thankful for a good church and a great group of pastors that watch over our souls and teach us the truths of God's Word even when it's not what I want to hear. Sunday two weeks ago was kind of one of those days. I didn't walk away from the service particularly happy, or filled with pleasant emotions. In fact I was even more frustrated on some level, but also full of faith and trust. You see my eyes were opened to a piece of myself I've never known before, a piece of me I didn't really like. However it's a piece of me that makes me all the more thankful for the blood of Christ and how it covers my sin. We covered Ecclesiastics 7 and talked through this very obstacle. For some reason many of us think that if we do life a certain way (the way that Scripture teaches) that X, or Y, or Z will result. But then D happens and we're left wondering what the point of following God even is. Only Scripture doesn't promise X, Y, and Z. In fact, Ecclesiastes 7 makes that pretty clear. Good things happen to evil people and the righteous sometimes end up suffering, but that doesn't change who God is. He is still righteous, He is still just, He is still kind, He is still full of grace. And the D situation that really makes life seem unbearable right now is all a part of God's plan to make me more like him. He is sanctifying me day by day through the circumstances that I never thought I'd be in because I did it 'His' way. Maybe in the beginning I wanted X, Y, and Z more than I actually wanted Him? I don't know. I don't remember those days well enough, but right now, today, I want Him in the midst of these circumstances and I'm trusting Him to do His work in me.

When I need wisdom.....

Today I realized how desperately in need of wisdom I am. Chris and I are facing some circumstances that we just aren't quite sure what to do with. There are several options, all of which look wise in their own way, but none of them seem just right, leaving us not really sure what to do. And while I've certainly been praying for these decisions I realized on the way to work this morning that I hadn't been asking for one thing that I very much need... wisdom. God, in his providence, has this whole thing planned out perfectly, but I don't know what He's got up His sleeve yet, and we very much want to make choices that will honor Him and sustain us in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. It reminded me of James 1. Starting in verse two it says,

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways....

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

"Lord, today we desperately need your wisdom, which You promise to give us generously! Please allow us to know enough information to make clear which path we should take. I trust You to lead us down the path for our lives that will bring you the most honor and end up for our good, our sanctification. Please sustain us in these days and weeks ahead as your plan for us unfolds and allow us to make the good choices you have for us! We are so grateful for your unfailing love and graciousness toward us!"

Worship Thoughts

Chris and I had an interesting conversation the other day that I wanted to put down on paper (or into the blog world I guess!). He met a guy who attends another church in town. In the course of their conversation this guy very openly stated that he attends this other church only for the 'worship.' This statement got us both to thinking about what he was referring to and whether or not this is a very Biblical reason to attend any one church.

By 'worship' we were pretty sure this individual was referring to the music. Musical worship is a part of most religious services, no matter what faith they represent. For Christians though, probably particularly evangelical Christians, it seems that music has become of great importance and this guy's statement reflected that, and saddened us. Chris and I see in God's Word that the ultimate act of worship for the Christian is obedience to God's Word, which comes from a careful study of God's Word, which is highly helped by listening to good teaching from God's Word.... thus in our church service the most important part of the service is the teaching and application of God's Word, not necessarily the singing. Now please, don't misunderstand me, musical worship is an important part of our services and it's important enough in God's Word that the whole books of Psalms is a book of songs of worship toward our God, BUT it's just a part of the Bible, and not necessarily the most important part.

This whole mentatily of 'worship' being of such importance to some Christians is concerning to me on a few levels:

1. I think that for some people singing brings about an enjoyable emotion and is some kind of an emotional 'high' if you will. Singing powerful songs with hundereds or thousands of other people is fun, it's one reason why people attend concerts. But musical worship shouldn't even be for us. It's for Him.

2. I think that for some, singing worship songs replaces fighting sin in their lives. By this I simply mean that possibly the emotions that come about from singing praises to our God make some Christians feel like they've done their weekly Christian duty and it makes them feel just good enough so that they don't have to do the hard work of being a Christian, growing in righteousness. So they walk out of their weekly church service unchanged by the power of God's Word.

3. It seems to me that we are demonstrating our love of our Savior on a much deeper level when we hear God's Word and obey it and with that will come some songs of praise out of our hearts! It's a natural overflow!

Please don't get me wrong. I love good 'worship' music and I enjoy hearing and participating with it often! But it should never be our driving motivation to attend church. We should go to church to hear God's Word taught, so that we can apply it to our lives, fight our personal sin, and grow to be more and more like our savior. When we do that we'll sing out of a pure heart!

Starbucks & Philippians 1:3-11

Today started out horribly. I had to wake up extra early as we are back to having one car, I realized that I had forgotten to put in the fridge/freezer the breastmilk I had so diligently pumped yesterday and it all was soured, then I couldn't find my keys anywhere. Ugg. We finally got out the door and I got to work very early with no keys. So I made a little trip to Starbucks where I purchased a 1/2 caf double shot over breve with white mocha and peppermint syrup in it (Yum!) with a gift card that had been ever so kindly given to me and took it back to my office where I sat in my car waiting for my boss to get there and open the door. While sitting I cleaned out my purse and decided to take the extra time on my hands and spend a few minutes in the Word. I read through Philippians. I love this book and have plans to work on memorizing it. I'd like to study it diligently, but for now I'm just gonna share a few thoughts.

Verses 3-11 brought me out of my morning doldrums immediately. As I read these verses I felt connected to Paul in a small way. He had ministered to the people at the church in Philippi, spent time there teaching them and instructing them and it was a joyful time for him to write to them because he had invested so much and knew that they were following what he had taught them (vs. 5). They shared in the same grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. In that moment I thought about the teenagers that Chris and I worked with in Tulsa. We spent 4 years there with that group of students and joy floods my heart as I think about where so many of them are today. Two years later they are still following Christ, being faithful to their local church, and seeking to grow in their walk with the Lord. This summer I had the privilege of spending time with a few of the girls and received a letter from another and it was so special to me to hear about their walk with Christ, how they were studying God's word, and learning and growing in so many ways. They have grown into such beautiful young women. I say this not to boast of anything that I did, but just to glory in the way God has worked in their lives and to thank the Lord for allowing me to be a part. I kind of feel the way I think Paul did as he wrote this book. It was a letter to group of people that he loved and had invested much into and he was just encouraging them to keep going. Vs. 6--'And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.' I can think of nothing more encouraging to share with my former students! What God began so many years ago at your salvation (conforming you into the image of Christ (Rom 8:28-29), he is continuing today, and it WILL be completed! This encouraged ME so much this morning because I know I am sinful. I have seen my sinfulness more clearly than ever in recent months (why is it that getting married, and then having children, does so much for our sanctification?!). And to know that someday this process of becoming like my savior will come to an end, and it will not be left unfinished made today make so much more sense! All the trials of my morning were part of the process of my shaping and molding. They had a purpose. They had a reason. They were for my good.


As we read through the rest of this small passage we see Paul's love for this group of believers. He 'yearned' for them with a deep affection and prayed that they would grow in their own love for each other more and more, but that it would be marked by discernment and knowledge. What a pair are these two?! Knowledge and discernment. I pray that I would be a woman marked by these two traits. Knowledge comes though study. It's why I started this blog. I want to learn. I want to know God's Word. And I hope that with that knowledge comes a small dose of discernment to understand the difference between truth and untruth. For it is in that discernment Paul states that we can understand what God views as 'excellent' and so be pure and blameless before Him, our lives filled with the fruit of righteousness that only comes through Christ and brings God glory! (You like my paraphrase?! I need to do a little more study on this passage to dig out the meaning of some of these words, but my paraphrase helps me get a general idea.) I love it and I want to be a girl like Paul is describing!