Through a series of events, things I've read, and been taught recently I've come to a realization. Somewhere deep inside myself, at a level I don't think I've ever noticed, I've had a very distorted view of God and the way He works. My thoughts started with a blog post I read a few weeks ago here. In this blog post she makes the point that many young girls (and I'll insert guys too!) grow up in church doing all the right things and through what they've been taught form certain expectations of the way that life is supposed to go as a result of their good choices. However, many of them end up grown up and dreadfully disappointed. They did everything they were told to do, but life didn't turn into the fairy tale they expected. Insert me. I'm pretty sure that I was one of those girls. I don't know that these things were ever verbalized to me by anyone. I think I was taught it more by innuendo of some kind. In fact I don't know that I've ever even let these thoughts turn into actual words in my mind! But none the less I really think they were there.
I am thankful for a good church and a great group of pastors that watch over our souls and teach us the truths of God's Word even when it's not what I want to hear. Sunday two weeks ago was kind of one of those days. I didn't walk away from the service particularly happy, or filled with pleasant emotions. In fact I was even more frustrated on some level, but also full of faith and trust. You see my eyes were opened to a piece of myself I've never known before, a piece of me I didn't really like. However it's a piece of me that makes me all the more thankful for the blood of Christ and how it covers my sin. We covered Ecclesiastics 7 and talked through this very obstacle. For some reason many of us think that if we do life a certain way (the way that Scripture teaches) that X, or Y, or Z will result. But then D happens and we're left wondering what the point of following God even is. Only Scripture doesn't promise X, Y, and Z. In fact, Ecclesiastes 7 makes that pretty clear. Good things happen to evil people and the righteous sometimes end up suffering, but that doesn't change who God is. He is still righteous, He is still just, He is still kind, He is still full of grace. And the D situation that really makes life seem unbearable right now is all a part of God's plan to make me more like him. He is sanctifying me day by day through the circumstances that I never thought I'd be in because I did it 'His' way. Maybe in the beginning I wanted X, Y, and Z more than I actually wanted Him? I don't know. I don't remember those days well enough, but right now, today, I want Him in the midst of these circumstances and I'm trusting Him to do His work in me.