Change is on my heart today. It has been for awhile now, for months really. I've known that it would come. But when the ball starts rolling one of two things can happen, either feelings of relief, or feelings of fear. Today, I'm feeling fear. These changes haven't effected me too deeply yet, but they will. Oh they will. And it's only a matter of time. My fear is intensified because the ball of change has started rolling and when it hits me, I fear it will be a hard hit. One that might knock me off of my feet a little bit.
I had a situation a few weeks ago that was a big blow to me. It was the first time in a very, very long time (years) where I found myself saying to the Lord, 'God you don't feel like a GOOD God today. I know that you say that you work out all things according to your plan and that that plan is a GOOD plan, but today, I'm just not seeing it. Today, I feel like you're pulling the rug out from under me. Today I feel abandoned." I chose to trust that day in a GOOD God. Because no matter my feelings, no matter my perspective, He doesn't change. He is the same God on my bad days that He is on my good days. I had to do a little self-counsel, as my pastor would call it, and remind myself that God is good and he is working out his perfect plan in my life, moving me towards sanctification with each passing day and that this, really, really bad day, was all a part of His plan.
Although today is not nearly as bad of a day, this change begs me to remind myself of a few things. I have a faithful God. He will supply. He knows where we're at, what we've been working towards, and He's provided me with His Spirit and His Word to help us make wise choices in light of this ball of change that is rolling toward me. And He will provide the means necessary to move forward, I just need to keep taking steps. Steps of faith. Wise steps. And all the glory will go to Him.