This Parenting Gig

I've struggled with this whole parenting gig lately. I'm utterly crazy about my kiddos. Seriously, I don't think I had any idea that I had this much love in my heart before having kids. I know it's cliche, but it's true. There is just something so incredible about having little combined versions of yourself and your best friend to take care of. You can look at them and just see pieces of yourself and this man that you're madly in love with. God had a neat plan with people having kids. What's frustrating though is when your kids start sinning. Am I right?

I knew that I'd have sinful children, but really, I don't think I ever imagined that it would look like this, or that it would evoke in me the kind of emotions that I feel about it all! This is rough stuff friends! So I'm working through a few things:

1) I am reminding myself that this little person is a person that God has purposefully placed in our family. He is perfectly suited to us as parents and that even in the times when I feel really incompetent to handle what the little guy (or girl) is throwing at me, I am competent in Christ. He has given him the perfect parents for HIM and he has given us the perfect children for US. He is growing all of us in His perfect way though these relationships and the struggles that come with them. And the end result for all of us who trust in Christ will be looking like Christ. It will be beautiful!





2) I always knew that I was going to have kind of a rough time in these early years. Babies and toddlers are most certainly not my forte! I can't even tell you the feeling of freedom I felt when I stopped working in the nursery a few months ago, or the feelings of fear that grip my heart when I think about helping my husband teach our new 3-5 year old class at church. I told him he's going to have to do a lot of the teaching! But while kids this age range might not be my strength as far as communicating goes, I am still MY kids' mom and I can't skip over these very, very important years. For one, I don't want to miss it! There are so many moments of pure joy watching them grow and learn and say the most adorable things. So even in the ugly times of fits and tears and flat out defiance, I have to consistently discipline them in love, showing them Christ and the gospel.

3) And I pray. Pray, pray, pray. I pray for myself-that I would be wise in my choice of words and actions. That I would not be controlled by my own emotions in times of disobedience. That I would be more concerned about the hearts of my children than the image I'm projecting to those around me of myself. Oh, so many things to pray for. I also pray for my kids' salvation. I have to recognize that they have unregenerate hearts at this point in their life. They are depraved. And they don't have the Holy Spirit to convict their hearts like a believer does. And it's my job to share the gospel with them.

4) So I try to turn times of disobedience into Gospel moments in their lives. It's hard, at some level impossible, for them to fight sin. My children aren't Christians. They don't have the Holy Spirit. Not that they can't choose right. But it is hard. And it's ok to tell them that. The book Give them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick talks about this extensively and gives some great examples of conversations to have with your kids (although some of them are pretty long). Here's what some of mine have sounded like. 'L, I know that it's really hard to do what's right. The incredible thing though, is that Jesus came to die for your sins. He lived a perfect life and then died to become the perfect sacrifice for the sin that you just committed in your heart and in your actions. He died so that you can be forgiven! Isn't that incredible. We have a loving God who wholeheartedly extends grace to us in our darkest moments. He loves us more than we can ever imagine.' It's not perfect, but slowly, I think he's starting to understand. Before I read that book I thought it was going to be about giving your kids a break (like don't hold them to too high of a standard, don't discipline them when they sin.... give them grace.) Thankfully I read the book and got the concept right.... give them grace--give them the gospel of grace. Give them the gospel. It's really the most important thing I can do as a parent. So my husband and I try to turn these moments into moments when we can tell them about Jesus. As my son has gotten older, this has gotten easier and more fun.

So.... while I'm struggling, I'm not despairing. I'm working through this time, knowing that it's a season. Parenting is not easy. No one has ever claimed it to be. And it is lots and lots of fun. But in those rough moments, the ones where I kind of want to hide in my closet, I take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and dive in. Because my kiddos need me to be their mom, to shower them with love, and to teach them the gospel... and I'm happy to do so!

Acceptable Speech

I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about my speech and communication with others. It started with a book our church family has been reading in small groups. Truth be told, I dreaded reading this book. I was bored by the last book we read by this author. But even more so, I dreaded the topic. Love. 1 Corinthians 13 love at that! I dreaded it, not because I think I know all about it, but because I know that this is an area of weakness for me and I just didn't want to work on it right now! Not that I don't want to be loving, please don't misunderstand me. But because I didn't necessarily want to feel guilty for not becoming any more loving than I already am.  This is an area that I often feel so deficient. 'Creative' loving is something that is emphasized heavily at our church, and for good Biblical reason. But I am just not a 'creative' person. 'Crafts' have never been my thing. I am capable of making pretty things, but I don't come up with the ideas for them myself. I can follow a tutorial (of which I have found SO many on Pinterst lately! It's fantastic!!) But the creativity, the going out of my way... I just didn't want to have to grow in this area. Wow... honesty at it's best, right?!

This book (have I mentioned it's name? Maximum Impact by Wayne Mack) has not challenged me to make more crafts for others (refreshingly so!). It has, however, helped me get a better picture in my brain of what true love looks like, and what it does not look like. And perhaps it didn't quite look like the picture in my head I've been beating myself up over for the last 4 years (sign of relief!). It does however require change on my part, and my speech is one area that I've been really challenged to consider. I believe it was in the chapter discussing 'Love is not rude' where he talks so much about our speech and how we talk to others. The Holy Spirit convicted me of three areas of my life in which I struggle... on the phone (I'm just an akward phone talker!), when I'm giving instructions to my kids, and when I'm communicating with someone of a differing viewpoint (perhaps an unbeliever, or someone who takes a largely different stance on an important issue). I want to be a good communicator and to communicate truth in loving ways so that my words are easy to hear and hopefully to take to heart. So here are some ways I want to make some changes. Perhaps these are areas others struggle in as well and my application can help you out too.

On the phone: I often cut people off and speak in short sentences.  I don't mean to. I think I'm just too busy trying to get my own words out. I also have a short tone of voice on the phone. I need to converse as I would in person and let others finish their thoughts before I start speaking. Perhaps even wait for a long enough pause so that I am sure they have completed their thought. Often I get off the phone just feeling akward. I need to be patient and listen to others better before I speak.

With my kids: This is a big one. I was reminded of two scriptures from Proverbs as I thought about this. My son is 2 1/2 and really struggles to hear instruction from mom and dad lately. I want to help him in this by putting these two verses into practice. 15:2 says 'The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable' and 16:21 says 'Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness'. My temptation with the kids is to grow firm instead of sweet. But how much better do they listen to my sweet voice? Sweetness can help make knowledge acceptable for them. Speak kindly, Abbie! Make learning fun!

With those who oppose me: I get easily frustrated with those who think differently than me and can tend to avoid conversations that go in those directions. Of course that depends a lot on that other person, how defensive they are, etc. But I want to be good, particularly at sharing the gospel with those who don't believe it. It's the power of the gospel that saves! I need to be patient and calm and pay attention to those who are good at sharing it to pick up things that I can incorporate. Something else that Mack mentioned was speaking with humility, as a learner. This seems to be important particularly in this context. I want to speak sweetly, kindly, confident in the gospel, but with humility as a learner.

I want to have acceptable speech that is full of love, is not rude, and is easy for others to hear. Then perhaps God can use me to teach others His word.

Excitements and Disappointments and a Brief Book Review

Yesterday we set the date for my c-section! October 4th will be our Little Lady's Birthday, provided of course that she doesn't choose to come earlier than that. I'm excited to get a date set.... I look forward to having this little bundle of joy outside of my body! Some women love being pregnant. I'm NOT one of them. It's amazing the way God designed it, but there's a reason why pregnancy was part of the curse of sin!

I've also had some disappointments lately. Some big changes are coming for me and I still don't know exactly what they look like. There was a part that looked SO good for awhile there. I was thrilled at the prospects in front of me, but the dreams have been somewhat dashed in the last week. The plan has changed and I'm not happy with the new situation. However I keep reminding myself that I have a good God that works all things for my good and His glory. He knows our situation and is working things out in a way that's best... for me, for my husband, for our Little Man, and for our Little Lady. So now I wait. I'm waiting on a lot of things, honestly all pertaining to work, but wait I must. Wait and trust that the Lord is working his plan in my life. Whatever ambitions I have or have had, he is working His plan and ambition in my life and I'm thankful that He chooses to use me at all.


By the way I just finished reading Church Planting is for: Wimps by Mike McKinley. Great read for those interested in church planting. He presents a side of church planting that I think often gets neglected in circles where church planting is the focus. (I work for the National Church Planting Office so I see a few resources here and there). He is gospel focused and right on target. I highly recommend it!

The Ultimate Prize

This summer our church is going through A Gospel Primer for Christians by Milton Vincent. Chris picked up this book a few years ago at a NANC (National Association of Nouthetic Counselors) Conference in St. Louis that we attended. I had ignored the book all week. There was a nice lady in the hallway handing them out for FREE. But being the superficial girl that I am I thought the cover was pretty ugly, so I didn't take one. Chris on the other hand will take anything that is free and took the book and preceded to read it cover to cover, many times over. It greatly influenced his gospel focus and thinking and often times he would read me a section before bed at night. Well, I have had the privilege of reading it for myself this summer and there really is some great stuff in it. There are short little sections and we are to read one each day to help us focus on the gospel on a daily basis. Today I read this section that I'm going to quote and it really impacted me and the way we're so often taught about heaven. I've heard about the streets of gold and the pearly gates for most of my life, but never (in my memory) did someone remind me that those streets of gold are there to lead us to God himself, not just for our pleasure. Let me share this quote and you'll see what I mean....

"The essence of eternal life is not found in having my sins forgiven, in possessing a mansion in heaven, or in having the streets of gold on which to walk forever. Rather, the essence of eternal life is intimately knowing God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. Everything else that God gives to me in the gospel serves merely to bring me to Himself so that this great end might be achieved. Christ died for the forgiveness of my sins so that I might be brought 'to God.' Christ is preparing a place for me in heaven so that He might receive me "to Himself" and have me forever with Him where He is. And yes, there is a great street of gold in heaven, but is there any doubt where the street leads? Unquestionable, it leads straight to the throne of God Himself, as do all of God's gifts to me in the gospel. As I meditate on the gospel each day, I find my thoughts inevitabley traveling from the gifts I've received to the Giver of those gifts; and the more my thoughts are directed to Him, the more I experience the essence of eternal life. The "gospel of God" is from God, comes through God, and leads me to God; and it is in Him that my soul finds its truest joy and rest."

It seems that at times in general teaching the focus just ends up in the wrong place... on me and what might benefit me, and the same is true of teaching on heaven. True heaven is much better than hell and I certainly desire to go to heaven over hell. But heaven and all the benefits of it are not for me, they are to bring glory to the one who created and sustains it all. Heaven is all about God and just as Mr. Vincent says "The 'gospel of God' is from God, comes through God, and leads me to God; and it is in Him that my soul finds its truest joy and rest." Truly heaven would be nothing without our God and it is only in him that I will ever find any satisfaction. The streets of gold or the 'big' mansion I will someday reside in are not the ultimate goal. He is the Ultimate Prize.

By His Wounds You are Healed-finished review

Last week I finished going through By His Wounds You are Healed: How the Message of Ephesians Transforms a Woman's Idenity by Wendy Horger Alsup. Having finished it I wanted to give my thoughts. Sadly, my initial reaction to the whole book was that I was a bit disappointed. I'll share why, then explain what I really liked about it. I think my disappointment stemmed from 2 key areas. 1) She skipped over a lot of the book. Ephesians is packed full of amazing deep truths and she hit on many of them, but also skipped over a lot and left me with some questions that I'm going to have to go back and study some more. Some of the more difficult passages to understand didn't become any more clear to me, mostly because there was little to nothing written on them. That's ok, but I was hoping for a bit more I think. 2) Wendy seems to have had some difficult times in church. And while we all have a history that plays into our sanctification process, I don't know that we need to hear about it as much as Wendy seems to bring it up. She'll mention how it was done wrong in the past in churches she's been a part of, and move on fairly quickly to the right way, but I don't know that the mention of the wrong was necessary. It adds a negative tone to her writing that I've noticed on her blog as well and has made me a less frequent visitor. 3) I was hoping for more application both at the heart level and at the behavior level. She leaves a lot of the application up to the reader. Granted I didn't do much with the questions at the back of the book, I think because they were at the back. I enjoy questions placed with the chapter they go with. Perhaps even some reflection space throughout the paragraphs.

I did pick up some really cool things from Wendy's study though. I loved the initial definition of grace and the sister passage she uses to explain the greek term. It hit me hard in the way I consider God's grace towards me and the way I think I might be showing grace to others. Do they deserve this? Then it's not grace! I also enjoyed her emphasis on the church and the way we should be living life together as believers. Ephesians talks about this a lot so I'm glad she fleshed it out a bit. Again I might have enjoyed a bit more specific application, but overall I was challenged. I also loved the continuous thought from the beginning to end keeping in mind what we have in Christ from the earlier chapters as we consider the way we live life together in the ending chapters. It brings a whole new light to the life we live together as believers. I particularly found refreshing thinking through the armor of God in light of these truths.

I was hoping to recommend this as a good small group resource for our church. I don't know that I'll be able to... it's missing the kind of application at the heart and behavior level that we like to have, as well as had a few theological differences, but I think I could recommend it to individuals looking for a resource to use along with their personal time in the Word. Thanks Wendy for your hard work!