Hospital Rooms and Such

Today I'm sitting in a hospital room. A small grey and blue and white room with specks all over the walls and floors. We've been sitting in this room for at least 4 hours now waiting. Waiting on the inevitable and the unknown. My husband is having surgery today. Well I say today. It's 5:37 pm as I type this. Hopefully it's still 'today' by the time they take him back. The surgery isn't life threatening. At least it's not supposed to be. But it does have the power to restore his vision in one of his eyes. Sight is something that we can so easily take for granted. I've never worn glasses. My eyes have always just worked. So I think it's something that I very easily overlook. But today, we're not taking anything for granted. Vision, smell, touch, hearing. All of it. We're praying for God's protection over him as they operate. We're praying for wisdom and steady hands for the Doctor. We're praying for a good recovery and that the original problem (pars planitis for those who care to know) doesn't return. Because even if all goes very well in the surgery, there's always the possibility that all of this will happen again. It's kind of scary to think through, my husband losing his vision. It's most certainly not something that I ever expected. And my husband and I have joked... every year we make all these big plans for the year of goals we want to accomplish: physical, spiritual, financial. You know the drill. New Year's Resolutions. And it seems like every year we just get hammered in January and this year it seems to have happened again. If I didn't know that God loved me, I'd think he was laughing at me as he moved the chess pieces of our lives in exactly the opposite direction we'd choose. But I know that's not how my holy, loving God works. No my God works like this:

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
(Ephesians 2:4-10 ESV)

My God is full of love. Love that is rich in mercy and great love that has made me alive with Christ so that we can do the good that God has prepared for us. This is true for me. This is true for my husband. This is true for every person who has been redeemed. Our God is overflowing with love and he lavishes it on us in the person of Jesus Christ. So my husband and I sit in this grey and blue speckled hospital room and we trust that our good, loving God is not slamming us down laughing every January. But that instead in love, he is preparing us for the good works that He has for us whether my husband can see or not.

You are mine

My husband always has the perfect words for me. He's really quite the romantic and has always gotten me to the core of my being with his words. It's part of what made me fall in love with him back in 2003... I had gone on a date with a mutual friend. He was a nice guy, but much better as a friend (he still is a mutual friend!). However, our date had been pleasant and after the fact I was sitting in Cheddar's next to my someday husband and he was asking me about it. He then proceeded to tell me how he had coached our mutual friend. He told him where to take me (a funky downtown restaurant), what to talk about, how to act, how to act after the date, etc. And the thing was.... he was spot on. It was in that instant that I realized that no one ever had, and no one probably ever would, get me quite like Chris Perry does. And I pretty much fell in love on the spot. It was within a few weeks that he realized that I had changed my mind about him and he asked me out and I'll tell the rest of the story another day....

 Fall 2010

Since then, he has written me letters, sweet notes on our mirror, texts, and just used his words to my face. Sometimes I feel silly, because I just can't form such beautiful words back, not without a  lot of thought at least, but his words.... they lift me to the clouds and make me feel... well like a chosen, beautiful princess for lack of a better term. Last night was one of those nights. We've had a mutual struggle lately that has been very frustrating for both of us. And as kind as he is in trying to share the responsibility for the mess, in reality we both know that it's mostly my fault. A few nights ago we watched I Bought a Zoo. What a lovely, sad story.... Afterwards we were lying in bed and started talking about when we fell in love with each other and how in love with each other we still are, but honestly the thought that kept running through my mind was 'how could he still love me when I've created this mess?' I think I cried myself to sleep on that thought, while he had no idea. I didn't want to ruin his beautiful moment. Horrible, I know. It's not all as bad as I make it seem, but sometimes it really feels that way. I can't wait to be on the other side of this.



Then last night we got started talking about this situation and I was languishing in my guilt for it when all of a sudden he grabbed my face and said 'You are mine.' We joke sometimes about how he fell in love with me first and it took me awhile, but I finally came around. The truth is he picked me and pursued me. I think that's the way it should work. He was persistent over the course of a few years and finally... I saw it. He loved me so deeply long before we were ever sitting there at Cheddar's. It took me awhile to realize how deep his love was, but I saw a glimpse of it at Cheddar's and I saw a much clearer picture of it last night, 9 years later. Even with our current situation he wanted me to know that he picked me, that I'm his girl, and he's not ever regretted it. True love.



It's often reminded me of the gospel. I've never done anything to deserve Christ's love, yet he has chosen me to be his bride. Marred as I am by sin, he will make me more and more beautiful, more and more like himself, so that someday He can completely glorify me in his presence. Now my DH isn't perfect... but in our marriage he represents Christ (Ephesians 5) and just as Christ chose me, Chris chose me as well and has pursued me with his love. It's a wonderful love story that I get to live out, both with my husband and ultimately with my savior Jesus Christ. Because they both say 'You are Mine' and nothing thrills my heart more.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

(Ephesians 1:3-14 ESV)

Purity

Ok... I'm still SOOO way behind on blogging about everything... I believe I'm a whole chapter behind. But I don't want to lose this one in the shuffle. I don't know that I'll go back to all the others.... So here we land. Ephesians 5:3--But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints.

Purity has been a big deal to me for a long time. Not that I'm perfect at it... far from it. I've struggled in multiple ways too. Just to briefly share my 'story' concerning purity I'll start in my teen years. I went to a pretty conservative, cuollot (how do you even spell that?!) wearing, non 'rock' music listening, KJV only type of church growing up. Despite those things, it really was a good church that loved the Lord, it was just a bit hung up on a few of those things. We went to a camp that also taught the same way and I remember one speaker sharing several times how that he and his wife didn't kiss until their wedding. Now coming from the source it came from, I thought the guy was nuts! At this point I think I was probably in Jr. High. I had had one 'boyfriend' in elementary school and hadn't dated since.... so I was kissless.

In early high school I got hooked on a book series called the "Christy Miller Series" by Robin Jones Gunn. In it there is a Christian couple that had chosen not to kiss until their wedding day. Same information, new source. I made the same commitment. I was a little older and wiser... probably 9th grade and still kissless. I knew that I desired to honor God and stay pure and I saw that as the ultimate act of purity. I wouldn't even venture into the arena of sex. Looking back, that was the best decision of my life! Not that it kept me from every bit of sin, but wow, did it protect me from a lot.

Over the years I watched my Christian friends date, and I knew that many if not all of them were 'making out.' I really didn't think a whole lot about it being sinful, but I was glad that I wasn't doing it. I knew my heart and I knew that I'd desire more than just a kiss or even kissing if I went there, so I was glad to stay away. It was protection from at least the physical sin. It was kind of a big deal at my high school too. I was the girl that wouldn't kiss. Then I went to Bible College and it was just as much of a novelty, which looking back breaks my heart. Purity at a Bible college should be the norm, not the exception. Sadly, I fear that it was very much an exception, at least among my peer group. I was still labeled the girl that didn't kiss and even had one guy date me with bets as to how long it would take him to get me to kiss him! Praise the Lord that I never did and he eventually moved on to someone that would.

Then, after 6 years of college and grad school at the ripe old age of 23, I got married and got my first kiss (with many to follow!!). I've NEVER regretted that decision. More than anything else I chose to do in my life, I'm so thankful for that one. After I got married I started reading more about purity and studying it from a Biblical perspective and realized that while I didn't understand the heart motives behind my decision at the time, it protected me so much from sin. And don't get me wrong I struggled. I wanted to be kissed. I craved attention from guys, among other sinful desires of my heart, but I'm quite sure that it would have been much worse had I been making out with a guy through all of that.

Why I'm sharing all of this I don't know except that this passage calls believers to another standard. Sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness should not be a part of our lives. When I teach unmarried girls about purity I ask them to think through kissing and making out with a guy that's not their husband... are we being 'holy' at that time as 1 Thess calls us to be? I can't fathom it! So why do we think it's ok as long as we're not having 'sex'? Would you want your married husband kissing another girl? No! So why do we do it before we're married? I don't get it. Where did we get that idea? I'm not going into much detail here and I hope I'm not sounding harsh, but somewhere along the line we aren't getting taught well in this area and it's causing so many brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble before marriage leading them to more struggles after marriage when God calls us to purity.

Waiting and Praying

God seems to often make life uncertain. I feel like much of my life has been that way and I don't think I'm alone in that camp. Perhaps it's what so many of us need to trust Him more. As I mentioned in my last post, my husband is making a career change... to what we don't yet know, but he has left his last position as a Benefits Consultant selling Health and Life Insurance. I am happy about this change for reasons that I don't need to elaborate on here. We had hoped that it would be a career move that would allow us to achieve some goals, some financial, some educational, some just pertaining to the freedom with your time in that kind of work. Unfortunately, none of that panned out and it had become apparent that for those reasons among others, it was time to move on and move forward with our goals. So the job hunt is on and when your degree is in something that you're not looking for a job in, finding a good job can be challenging. Today Chris had a good interview. I'm hoping he gets called back for a second. Either way though we're trusting the Lord to provide in such a way that we can move forward. I feel like we've been standing still for the last three years, not doing what we should have been doing somehow. Not that we were 'out of God's will.' I don't see in Scripture where that can happen. He is sovereign. Totally in control. And he has His perfect reasons for the last 3 years. I've learned things that I never would have, felt things I never would have. And I know that I'll be a better tool for him because of these experiences. But I think we're ready to continue moving now... at least I hope we are! Lord, please let this be the time! So we're waiting and praying and fervently filling out job applications and hoping for phone calls for interviews. Pray with us if you will.