Spiritual Blessings

I continued in my study through Wendy's commentary on Ephesians this morning and am really enjoying some of the details she draws out. I don't have the book in front of me to give any direct quotes, but particualry the Lord convicted my heart this morning of the way I've been looking for his blessings. Ephesians 1:3 says 'Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places' (ESV).

God continually blesses me beyond my comprehension, but so often I'm looking in the wrong places for it. Paul says that he blesses us with spiritual blessings. I realized this morning, just how much of that I've overlooked over the last year and half. Chris had been in a job with little income coming in and we purposefully chose for him to tough it out, looking forward to that income growing. And while it did, that growth was slower than expected and put us in some pretty precarious financial situations. I did not see God's blessings very easily during this time. Now, God provided.... we never went hungry, always made it to work on what gas we had, and really never suffered. God was good to us. But it was often difficult for me to feel 'blessed'. Mostly I think I was just frustrated wondering why on earth a good God was letting us go through this time of struggle. I knew that God was good and that this situation would be to our benefit, but I think I was looking for the material blessings, and even though I was trying to look for them, totally missing the spiritual ones! Having experienced this season of little, I know I will have more empathy with others who struggle financially in the future where in the past I might have been more unkind (at least in my heart). I know that God has shown me He IS good, even in the hard times. I don't have to wonder if He is pouring out his wrath against me. He has already poured it out on His Son! (Thank you Elyze Fitzpatrick for helping me to understand that in Because He Loves Me!). I have never been good with managing my or our family's finances, but after this difficult season, I'm ready to live within the means God has has given me and be thankful for that means, however big or small it may be.

There are so many other lessons learned and things I will carry on with me and maybe, just maybe these are the spiritual blessings that God has been granting me through what was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. When I see in Scripture that God blesses us, I need to look for the spiritual blessings. They are so much greater than anything material He could give me!

Grace

I started a new study last night through Ephesians using a study guide by Wendy Horger Alsup called By His Wounds You Are Healed: how the message of Ephesians transforms a woman's identity. I've been really excited to read through her commentary on the book of Ephesians as I really enjoyed her other published book Practical Theology for Women. She seems to have a genuine desire to understand the text of God's Word in it's literal translation, not adding to it, nor taking away from it, and not bringing any preconceived notions with her. And I appreciate her desire for strong, deep theologically rooted writing for women that is true to the text, as that can be hard to find.

As I read through her notes in the first chapter of the book she presented grace in a way that I'd never thought of it before and I found it refreshing as well as convicting and I wanted to share what I've learned. In the second verse of Ephesians Paul is greeting the saints in Ephesus and says to them 'Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. ' (I want to study out the greek for myself, and haven't done so yet, but at this point I'm trusting Wendy's research.) She says that the Greek word translated grace in this verse is charis and is used throughout the New Testament in Ephesians as well as other books. Many of us know the basic definition of grace. It's a very important term for believers! Basically grace is loving kindness, favor, or a gift. Many of us grew up learning grace as God's Riches At Christ's Expense. But what struck Wendy the most (and me!) is the way charis is not used. Grace or charis is NOT about giving what is due. And it really hit me when she showed the use of the greek word charis in Luke 6. I'll quote it here with what the words charis is translated into in italics.

Luke 6: 32 If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

This passage really drew out for me what grace is NOT! I'll quote Wendy's response. "When you give back what is earned or deserved, it is not charis--it is not grace. It is not favor or benefit, and it is not credited toward you as anything other than exactly what you are expected to do. Instead, grace does what is unexpected, undeserved, and out of line with reasonable responses."

All this really made me think... do I show others grace or do I simply show them what I am expected to? "Jesus says the evidence of our understanding of His grace is the way we show grace to others."  I have shown grace. Forgiven when I didn't have to. Loved when I was not. Given without expecting anything in return. But how often do I only do those things when I expect to get it back, or when it's already been shown to me? Ouch. This convicts me and I hope makes me continue to question the way I am treating others. God has shown me much grace and I need to share it with others.

Waiting and Praying

God seems to often make life uncertain. I feel like much of my life has been that way and I don't think I'm alone in that camp. Perhaps it's what so many of us need to trust Him more. As I mentioned in my last post, my husband is making a career change... to what we don't yet know, but he has left his last position as a Benefits Consultant selling Health and Life Insurance. I am happy about this change for reasons that I don't need to elaborate on here. We had hoped that it would be a career move that would allow us to achieve some goals, some financial, some educational, some just pertaining to the freedom with your time in that kind of work. Unfortunately, none of that panned out and it had become apparent that for those reasons among others, it was time to move on and move forward with our goals. So the job hunt is on and when your degree is in something that you're not looking for a job in, finding a good job can be challenging. Today Chris had a good interview. I'm hoping he gets called back for a second. Either way though we're trusting the Lord to provide in such a way that we can move forward. I feel like we've been standing still for the last three years, not doing what we should have been doing somehow. Not that we were 'out of God's will.' I don't see in Scripture where that can happen. He is sovereign. Totally in control. And he has His perfect reasons for the last 3 years. I've learned things that I never would have, felt things I never would have. And I know that I'll be a better tool for him because of these experiences. But I think we're ready to continue moving now... at least I hope we are! Lord, please let this be the time! So we're waiting and praying and fervently filling out job applications and hoping for phone calls for interviews. Pray with us if you will.

Perry Baby #2

So I have been VERY absent from my blog as of late simply due to the fact that I'm spending most of the 24 hours of a day feeling like I'm going to puke. After just over 2 months of this nonsense I'm finally starting to feel better and can actually THINK again! It's amazing how sickness just wipes everything from you. I couldn't read, I couldn't think, all I could do was come home each day after work and lay on the couch while my husband cared for our one year old son, made dinner, did the laundry, the dishes, and everything else that I usually do in my attempt to be a housewife, at least in the evenings. With that said, the sickness is due to a good thing, I'm pregnant with Perry Baby #2!! As much as I dislike being pregnant, I'm really excited for our second child to come on the scene. We wanted to have our children close in age as Chris and I both are 4 years older than our next sibling, with me being 15 years older than my youngest sibling. Growing up I greatly disliked my sister next in line because she was just annoying. I mean as I was entering high school she was starting 5th grade. It wasn't until I went off to college and she entered high school that we really became anything resembling friends. Now we're the best of friends, but it was a long time coming! My youngest sibling of my mom and step-dad doesn't even remember me living at home with her because she was barely 3 when I moved away to college. And of course I never got the chance to live with my dad's three kids who are my half siblings. I hate these facts because I'd love to have a closer relationship with all 7 of them! So.... with that said I'm really excited that our first two kids will be only 18 months apart! Not that siblings being further apart in age is bad because we both love our siblings very much, but we're excited to have ours closer. Admittedly I'm hoping for a girl... all the bows and ruffles, ballet shoes and tulle skirts make my heart skip a beat, but brothers that close in age would be great fun too. We'll find out on June 3rd which it will be.

We're going through a lot of transition in our family right now. Chris is making a career change and there is so much on my mind but I'm just starting to process it and dig into God's Word to find the strength needed to walk through it all. I've put it all on hold in my head, but I'm ready to start digging in! Hopefully you'll walk through it with me. Talk to ya soon!

Much to share....

I've been missing for some time now. I do have an excuse, but it'll have to wait till next week. Until then.... keep growing! This weekend we are celebrating Landon's 1st Birthday! I can't believe our little man has been around for a year now. It just seems crazy that that amount of time has flown by so quickly, but alas it has and here we are with a one year old little boy. I'm excited to celebrate with family and friends in just a few days. I hope he enjoys it as much as I plan to!

False Expectations

Through a series of events, things I've read, and been taught recently I've come to a realization. Somewhere deep inside myself, at a level I don't think I've ever noticed, I've had a very distorted view of God and the way He works. My thoughts started with a blog post I read a few weeks ago here. In this blog post she makes the point that many young girls (and I'll insert guys too!) grow up in church doing all the right things and through what they've been taught form certain expectations of the way that life is supposed to go as a result of their good choices. However, many of them end up grown up and dreadfully disappointed. They did everything they were told to do, but life didn't turn into the fairy tale they expected. Insert me. I'm pretty sure that I was one of those girls. I don't know that these things were ever verbalized to me by anyone. I think I was taught it more by innuendo of some kind. In fact I don't know that I've ever even let these thoughts turn into actual words in my mind! But none the less I really think they were there.

I am thankful for a good church and a great group of pastors that watch over our souls and teach us the truths of God's Word even when it's not what I want to hear. Sunday two weeks ago was kind of one of those days. I didn't walk away from the service particularly happy, or filled with pleasant emotions. In fact I was even more frustrated on some level, but also full of faith and trust. You see my eyes were opened to a piece of myself I've never known before, a piece of me I didn't really like. However it's a piece of me that makes me all the more thankful for the blood of Christ and how it covers my sin. We covered Ecclesiastics 7 and talked through this very obstacle. For some reason many of us think that if we do life a certain way (the way that Scripture teaches) that X, or Y, or Z will result. But then D happens and we're left wondering what the point of following God even is. Only Scripture doesn't promise X, Y, and Z. In fact, Ecclesiastes 7 makes that pretty clear. Good things happen to evil people and the righteous sometimes end up suffering, but that doesn't change who God is. He is still righteous, He is still just, He is still kind, He is still full of grace. And the D situation that really makes life seem unbearable right now is all a part of God's plan to make me more like him. He is sanctifying me day by day through the circumstances that I never thought I'd be in because I did it 'His' way. Maybe in the beginning I wanted X, Y, and Z more than I actually wanted Him? I don't know. I don't remember those days well enough, but right now, today, I want Him in the midst of these circumstances and I'm trusting Him to do His work in me.

When I need wisdom.....

Today I realized how desperately in need of wisdom I am. Chris and I are facing some circumstances that we just aren't quite sure what to do with. There are several options, all of which look wise in their own way, but none of them seem just right, leaving us not really sure what to do. And while I've certainly been praying for these decisions I realized on the way to work this morning that I hadn't been asking for one thing that I very much need... wisdom. God, in his providence, has this whole thing planned out perfectly, but I don't know what He's got up His sleeve yet, and we very much want to make choices that will honor Him and sustain us in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. It reminded me of James 1. Starting in verse two it says,

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways....

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

"Lord, today we desperately need your wisdom, which You promise to give us generously! Please allow us to know enough information to make clear which path we should take. I trust You to lead us down the path for our lives that will bring you the most honor and end up for our good, our sanctification. Please sustain us in these days and weeks ahead as your plan for us unfolds and allow us to make the good choices you have for us! We are so grateful for your unfailing love and graciousness toward us!"